How could one date have all wrapped up inside it so much happiness and so much sadness all at the same time?
December 11th was the date of my first Son's birth. December 11th, 1980 was a dream come true for me. My Son, Ryan, came into the world. He was born in South Carolina and it was a beautiful winter's day. The kind of winter day that one enjoys in the south. The day was made so much more special by his arrival.
Every Mother remembers fondly the Birthdays of their children. It is a day etched in my heart....Forever.
The day my father passed away. I had talked to my Dear Son Ryan at 5:24 am. Its our tradition. Not sure how it started.......but for years we speak to each other every year on his birthday to commemorate his birth. Not many grown children would do this. This is how I know that my Son Ryan is so Special. With the time difference in Texas it is one hour earlier. 4:24 am comes very early for a young man. Still he indulges me and to top it off, I think he enjoys it! Everyone likes to be remembered in some special way.This is what I tell myself!
This past Dec 11th we had our conversation like always. Before I called him, however I placed a call to the hospital inquiring about how my Father was. He was hospitalized and had been in the hospital for over two weeks. I was becoming weary, and informed the nurse I would be in a bit later to the hospital if everything was okay. She assured me he was breathing well and had a restful night. After speaking to Ryan for about 10 minutes to wish him a Happy Birthday, I set out to take care of tasks at hand. I wanted to pay bills and take care of various paperwork I had been neglecting, among other things. While I was sorting through various papers, I came across lots of things pertaining to my Dad. Appointment cards for various doctors. Receipts for office visits, his History and Physical word document that I had updated periodically over the years, to name a few. Suddenly my house phone rang. Land lines ringing early in the morning are always startling. I answered. It was the doctor from the hospital. He stated my father had some difficulties and unfortunately had passed away. I was in disbelief. I had just called the nurse a short time ago and she said he was fine. I stated these facts to the doctor and as a nurse myself, the words rang hollow in my heart. I know how fast things can take a turn for the worse....I was in shock. My dear Father had passed from this life while I was doing mundane tasks here at home.
I always wanted to be there for my Dad. I never wanted him to pass away alone. I was there for him so much. I could not forgive myself for missing the moment of his death....How could I? My heart was broken.
Life is so strange sometimes. Emotions are on a roller coaster. Looking forward to a happy day remembering the birth of my Son, I was now thrust into grief over my Dad.
As I drove to the hospital after making the necessary phone calls that morning. I felt a peace in my heart. The kind that passes all understanding. The way that only someone with Faith in God and the after-life could feel. I began to feel that on this special day of days....December 11th, my own son's birthday, God again gave me another great gift. He took my Father home and made him whole. He healed his mind and his body. God giveth....and God taketh away. I felt my father on earth was in God's loving arms, and could finally look down on me with understanding. His mind was now made clear and there was no more suffering or pain. It was true, what I have feared for many months, now felt like a special gift. It was, to my understanding, God's special way of saying that His hand was in this. I had no doubt.
Thank You God, for the special gifts you have given on December 11th. Your ways are not our ways. Your time is not our time. I would have never believed the passing of my father on earth could feel like a gift. Our God is a Great God.
