OK I have to admit it. I have been in a bit of a slump these past few months. Why? Because my nest is empty. My sons are in Texas, and I am here. I am faced with a Holiday approaching and for the VERY FIRST TIME......I will have no offspring present to celebrate. Seems like a small thing I know. Those of you who have been through this know what I am talking about. If you have not been through this, then you do not know and I cannot make you understand. Like all things in life, one can not imagine. In theory it seems easy. In the thick of everyday life it is hard. I have felt my spirit become sort of mushy. Delicate. Broken. Like an old clay pot that has been discarded after summer planting. The harvest is here and gone. What I toiled for has been recognized, reaped and now it is gone. All that is left is the cracked pot and that cracked pot is me.
OK. I don't want to be overly dramatic here. Still, like so many other life transitions it is real. If you do a good job, the kids are gone and you are left to reinvent your life. Yes, I did yearn for the day to come. Many times I commented that it will be lovely when my boys (young men now) sprang the nest and I could get on to other things in my life. Like so many other things,be careful what you wish for......... It seems our lives are made up of transitional phases. None of them are easy. From adolescence to adulthood and yes even into the senior years it is a struggle. Adolescence with its ambiguousness, the teen years with its hurdles, young adulthood with the yearning to love and be loved, adulthood with making the marriage and family work. Now, with my empty nest looming in front of me, no longer on the horizon, but right HERE, it is extremely hard to believe that I yearned for this. There have been times I am sure when the anticipation of something seems sweet but in reality FEELS difficult. This is how it is for me now. I dream dreams of what can be but I feel immobilized. Is it true nobody needs me today? I can go out to the woods and walk for hours and will not be missed? Hard to believe and still I get the feeling of some impending reason why I must get home. True, my retired husband is at home but truly he can survive without my presence. He is a man who needs me but will not die without me for a few hours.
Times like these, I truly draw close to God. I thank God he is always there for me. I find refuge in his Love and the idea that he constantly cares for me. I often wonder how people get through life without a relationship with the God of the Universe. If God carries us through the tough times, I hope he knows he is in for a very long piggyback ride!! It is so easy for someone like me to get by when taking care of others. Taking care of others is what I always did best. I have called myself a "caretaker " in the past. Sometimes taking pride in this title. Now, although I am sure I could run out and find others to "take care of" I know deep down it is time to take care of myself! Guess what I never did in my life??????? You guessed it. I never took care of ME!!! Of course I did to the the extent needed. I had a good education and landed a good career and so forth. I never lived alone. This was something I always regretted but have come to accept. I got married young and within four years had my first Son.....then my second Son and I guess I was on a treadmill ever since juggliing work and kids and a husband.
Yes, I feel your boredom setting in. (its not an original story, I know) Am I complaining? Not at all. I am thankful for my blessings and though I could have written some things differently in my life, these things forced me to grow.....alot.......so they served their purpose. In a sense I feel like I am back where I was before children (BC). Those crying and wiggly packages took a lot of TIME, and time I gladly gave. The only thing is, I sort of put ME on the back burner for several years. At least it feels this way. Who can pursue interests as a woman when you are a mother busy traveling for 4 soccer schedules, attending basketball games,school activities glore, carting bikes and balls and snowboards from place to place? What a lovely life. It is now OVER. So I wished for this? Yep I did! Somewhere along the line I wished for easier more restful days. Note to self: It is here!!!!
What to do? Holidays...........decorate for them? Mealtimes........cook? Well we gotta eat but those meals do NOT look like they use to. ( My husband wishes the kids were around!!!)
I have searched for info on the Empty Nest. I have found some good things. I guess I will educate myself and move on. I always read books for every passage in life. My library will grow, I suppose. With God's help I will see this through. My goal is to come out on the other side a better and happier person. Yep, I am in the thick of it. I am looking into that box of chocolates Forrest Gump........and I am going to choose my flavors. It should be fun I know that, so if I can put my tissue box down for a bit, I may discover how much FUN it can be....
If you are not sure what I am talking about, and you have kids, trust me. Your day is coming. Enjoy these days while you can. They REALLY DO go fast. I know someone told you but BELIEVE it! I never did and I wasted lots of time never believing it would come to an end. Happy Travels to you!
MY NEW JOURNEY IS BEGINNING........
